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Your Sex Drive Is Normal…Seriously

According to this animated video from New York Magazine's The Science of Us series, sexual desire is commonly misunderstood. There are actually two types of sexual desire and just because you don't fit in one, doesn't mean you're a "weirdo."

"It's ok not to have sex," The Science of Us says at the start of their video. "You're not a weirdo if you don't always wanna get busy. Seriously, there's science to back this up!" The type of sexual desire the media tends to show is called "spontaneous desire." Thats the type where everyone seems ready to go at all times. The type that makes me tired to even think about. But, sex research Emily Nagoski points out that "spontaneous desire" is not the only form of desire.

There's also a form of desire called "responsive desire," meaning getting into the mood after getting aroused. "For example, you aren't even thinking about sex," the video explains. "But your partner comes over and starts kissing you and the rest is steaming history."
The Science of Us says the problem might be in the phrase "sex drive."

"A drive, after all, means there's an uncomfortable internal state forcing us to try to satisfy a survival need like breathing or eating," the narrator explains. "Sex is different. It's an incentive motivation system. It feels good and pulls us toward an attractive external stimulus. In other words, it's less like a hunger and more like a curiosity." Basically, not having sex might be frustrating, but it's not going to kill anyone.

It comes down to the fact that people are different, and that's okay! Some people are all spontaneous desire, while others are strictly responsive. And some are a mix of the two. The point is, different things work for different people. As Emily says, the best way to have a good sex life is to "put pleasure at the center of your definition of sexual well-being and allow desire to emerge in response to sensations that you enjoy."