Being a parent is hard, okay?
Sometimes, it's impossible to play by the rules—the rules being whatever society has decided makes us "good" or "bad" parents.
Reddit, of course, serves as a safe space for parents to confess all of this rule breaking, and the vast majority is equal parts relatable and hysterical.
Most parents just want a little alone time, which is deeply understandable:
"Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom to eat a snack because I don't want to share it with my kids."—jctims1519
"I lied about a Saturday 12-6 overtime shift, so my daughter went to her grandmothers. I went out to breakfast, went to a mall and looked around, then saw a movie. I picked up my daughter at grandmothers, after eating at Five Guy's first."—futurestorms
A lot of parents also accidentally injure their kids:
"Our best friend's baby was about nine months old. I would toss that kid up in the air ALL THE TIME because it's fun. One day I grabbed her and she wanted to be tossed, so I did...and I was right under a door frame. The loudest, sickening thud I've ever heard in my life.
Mom stares at me and I lock eyes with her like, 'I'm sorry your kid will never learn math now' eyes. She starts laughing at my terror while the kid cries, and is over it within 30 seconds."—userbelowisamonster
"Lifted my son out of his crib once and his head hit the moving ceiling fan (you know, the thing I always warn my husband about) it was going slow and he looked like he was going to cry but recovered quickly so it must've not hurt that bad."—annfro
"I was carrying my daughter into her room and whacked her head against the door frame. When my wife asked why she was crying I lied and said I didn't know."—valjean260
And of course, some straight up lies. (That are harmless, of course):
It's okay, parents. You're more than allowed to sneak a Twizzler in the hall closet every now and again.